Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
