I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
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