a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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