I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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