chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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