When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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