If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
