I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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