I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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