i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
