Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
