how can u be prego again
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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