At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
