Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize