i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
