You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
