winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have aggressive nipples.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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