Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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