I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
