god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sorry about my life...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
