i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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