I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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