it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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