Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
