he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize