dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
