Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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