He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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