He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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