A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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