"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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