Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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