saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
