no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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