He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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