He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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