It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
