My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
