i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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