make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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