Just cropdusted the office
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize