Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
