i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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