So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
