I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
