Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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