ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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