there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize