Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
