Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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