WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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