I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
