I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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