Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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