Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
