i may or may not be watching the land before time
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
