ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
