So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
