Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
