i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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