I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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