I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
