i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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