Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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