Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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