I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
