There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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