It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
