Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There r osticjed everywhere
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize